Trapped II

They say a marriage or successful relationship is all about balance and equality between two partners...well REALLY???? I doubt so.....or you can say I m not sure about it....or honestly..I have saved the f word (kindly bear with me) for the person who thought of even proposing the idea of a healthy cohesive existence of two people in a relationship....where both of them are equally happy..with no regrets...

Whenever I read or hear about such..so called "happy and content relationships"....I always try to look through or you can say try to make out... the category to which that individual belongs...and no I am not some relationship expert or counsellor here...but from my experience...I always feel there are two categories of people in these so called successful relationships..

The first one is the Alpha Male kindda category...who own or feel that they should own the best part

(courtesy - firstung.co.uk)

of the relationship..whether it's carrier, finance, family...or other important aspects...They are the ones who have no regrets  or qualms for the relationship...(and why they should)...or in other words they are in the driver's seat  and control everything...basically relationship revolves around them...

The second category is of the back seat passengers...the ones who are happy and content in their partner's successes and happiness...why...because they believe or made to believe....that it is the best way to have a harmonious and happy relationship...and in long term....it becomes their duty, their way of living...and moreover overcrowds their own individuality, intelligence, personality...and everything...And I feel they are the ones who do more show-off of happiness and contentment...may be to get rid  of the guilt and regret of being secondary  in a relationship.

Let me ask you a question here.....does it really appears to be about achieving a balance???..or it's just sacrificing and suppressing a person's emotions, happiness, and goals...to make a relationship work...or make it successfully work...Isn't it unfair and partial??...I know you'll never agree with me if you are an alpha...but that's ok...I have no issues with you...and I am really happy for you...because you are one very lucky person in a right place, right moment, and right situation kind of...so all the very best...

But I do want to suggest to the second kind of self content people out there...Be proud of yourself..because you are the reason of holding a relationship or a family together...you are the one who is doing a better and more crucial job of making a relationship work..don't look down on yourself...but remember to think about yourself in the pressures and chaos of maintaining and nurturing a successful relation...and don't feel guilty about it...it's absolutely ok to do so...and you deserve it...because your own success and happiness is equally important too...so that you would not be considered a piece of junk and feel lost in someone else's happiness and success...  

I also want to write to or...I can say request ..our elders...society..or so called these relationship experts...Please don't define or glamorise a marriage or a love relationship as an equal union...because it is not...and you know it...So please please tell us about the real stuff...like adjustments, compromises, sacrifices...so that we can be better prepared to deal with the situations in our lives...and not look out for the things which can never be there....(coming more)  

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Things you'll definitely know if you are married to an IT guy....

After seeing this crazy list-o-mania trending on social media nowadays, I too thought of coming up with my own. But creating a list was not an easy job and the realisation came to me after four days of personalised research on it.

Well, it was not if I had a mental or writing block...rather the topics appeared to be too controversial or sensitive for me...for e.g. "Things you'll definitely know if you have a snobby boss" (I know people... everyone wants to write about this one topic...but I have an appraisal cycle next month..so can't)..or "Things you'll definitely know if you have a nagging wife"....Noo!!..I can't write excerpts of my own biography...leave it...

Thus after thinking and rejecting almost ten themes, I zeroed upon the one which had the least risk and controversy creating capabilities...Because I knew I will be able to settle down the consequential domestic hullabaloo (really like this word) with a plate of pakoras or a bowl of kheer...if he reads it....   

So coming down to my list...I have kept it really sweet and simple...But before that let me write a very clear disclaimer for it - " This is not a work of fiction. It may be or would be resembling to lives of almost 99% of professionals working in Bangalore, Mumbai, Pune, Gurgaon and all metro cities..:-)"

• Code, Client, Bug, By Default are general terminologies of your daily conversations..:-) 
• Your every bill, insurance renewals, policy purchase, ITR filing etc. etc. are done on the last date or deadline...even being on PCs 24*7...but so what at least we did it...and avoided the late payment fee like the last three months...oh yeah we are improvising..:-)
• You have to have almost all important conversations twice because he's always busy on his Blackberry or Laptop..
• You are always late for your relative's, friend's or colleague's party because he memorised it after the major software release..which got postponed ....and the party was too (in his oopar ka mala)...Now I know this Ghajini's STML was not a fake funda...I can bet on it...:-)
• Friday night is the best time to strike a sensitive conversation because he's in best of his moods and spirits...and honestly you can ask for anything at that time...shhhhh :-)
• You both are sitting in your favourite restaurant indulging in one of the best conversation of your life (atleast...you thought so)..and suddenly some client issue or bug arrives as the wo in your much awaited date night... Gone within 60 seconds..:-)
• Your vacation plans take two-three attempts to materialise..thanks to some unexpected weekend change, issue or call :-)
• You only have one day i.e. Saturday to finish each and every work, task, chore associated with  home, finances, relatives, friends etc.etc..:-)
• Cost Benefit Analysis and Risk Management plays a pivotal role...even when you are buying kanda and aloo...Why??? ..because Rita Mulcahy said so...:-)
• And last but not the least..Sunday is the gloomiest day in your home.

These are some of the day to day experiences, I am having as his companion. I am sure if asked he'll have a longer list than mine...because I am into IT and nagging too..:-)

But I believe...that is what marriage is all about...finding happiness and joy in each others imperfections and blunders..again and again...isn't it??? :-)

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Dilwale Dulhania and it's after effects..

Last week while fooling around in Mumbai, I came across the famous Martha Mandir...and those who don't know...Maratha Mandir, though being a modest cinema hall is famous  for still playing the movie Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (or better known as DDLJ) from the day it released...can you imagine almost after 16 - 18 years ....and still the shows goes house full on weekends...Well watching DDLJ at this particular venue have always been in my Mumbai itinerary ..though have not succeeded till now.. (thanks to my sibling..who is more interested in his afternoon beauty nap)...

I was in my teens when I first watched DDLJ and from then it has always been an integral part of my life..The story, background, music, characters, romance and everything it had.. which a girl can ever imagine

courtesy - in.com

in her own love saga (ya I thought so)...But the most crucial ones for me were the Bauji and Raj.....Bauji or Amrish Puri because my father had a very similar demeanour like him (he has softened a lot now) ...and I always felt that Aditya Chopra took some inspiration from him while portraying the character. You know when you are a teen you hate every rule of your parents..feel frustrated, bound, rebellious and....imagine in that moment there comes a person who is your saviour, a knight in a silver armour..who will save you from all the miseries of your teenage life (school, tuition, exams, pre-boards seemed to be the apocalyptic events then).. Well that was Raj for me..and trust me Shahrukh has not left a single stone unturned in portraying that character.. Raj..who was synonymous to the picturesque Switzerland, mandolin, hat, cowbell, sarson ka khet..and everything musical and sweet...I endlessly dreamt about him and Switzerland....I always felt that somebody as romantic as Raj was my future...(and no I am not being paid by Yashraj Films for this)...

I know a lot of you might be thinking....whether I met my Raj or not? Well..in a kind of way ya...the only difference...Switzerland being replaced by network switches, cowbells by chat pings ..and project management jargons are the key components of our romantic talks...(more coming soon on this)..but  so what Raj & Simran can also exist in the valleys of networking and project management...right!!

By the way, we all know there is an emergency chain pulling system in our trains...but I think Raj being a foreigner might not have noticed that....poor Simran...:-)

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